crack spastic

An insult used by police officers from one station in central London, to describe a person who is completely obnoxious, irritating, incompetent or just plain stupid to such a degree it's funny, can be a member of the public or a colleague, usually a senior officer. Its use is mainly limited to one police station, but is starting to spread

"did you hear that bloke I nicked, saying he was going to get me sacked 'cos his uncle's a barrister?"

"yeah, what an utter fuckin crack spastic!"

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Kak Pipe Cosmonaut

Anyone, gay or straight, who is obsessed with anal sex and constantly takes their obsession to new heights.

"Why are you walking like that?"

"My new man's a real Kak Pipe Cosmonaut"

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Mod Plod

Ministry of Defence Police officer

Do you remember the Mod Plod beating those peace protestors at Greenham Common? Good work fellas...

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Dive Trash

Folks employed in the industry who live a hedonistic and fun loving lifetsyle who's nights are full of trashy antics, drunken shenanigans and wild fornicating, but by day appear top be respectable dive instructors. Usially a dive master or instructor.

Tourist "I've paid $5000 dollars for a week in cayman, and there's an unconscious drunkard laying naked on my balcony"

Concierge "apologies ma'am, that'll be some dive trash"

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Dive Master

By day a polite and responsible respectable dive instructor, usually found somewhere in a tropical climate teaching tourists to dive in a safe and responsible manner, by night a drunk womanising chain smoking inhabitant of any given beach bar, destined for kidney dialysis in later life. Cayman Island divemasters are reputed to be the most outlandish

"did you see that guy fighting and vomiting at the same time in the bar last night? I think he was a Dive Master"

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Sun Dodger

A Submariner in any of the world's Navies

"you were in the navy for ten years,you must have seen loads of places"

"Nah, I was a sun dodger"

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Getting off at Fratton

British Royal Navy term for the withdrawal method of contraception, Fratton being the last railway station before arriving in Portsmouth, which is the end of the line.

Matelot 1: "Firkin 'ell mate, that's a right swamp donkey you've pulled, do you need a condom"

Matelot 2: "no mate, I'm getting off at Fratton"

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