n. Americaâs 13th â and perhaps most obscure â President. He is so obscure, in fact, that his nickname is âThe American Louis Philippeâ (huh?). However, this is not to suggest that Fillmore didnât accomplish great things (Gadsden Purchase anybody?). If one thing can be said about Millie, itâs that he was one heck of a ladyâs man. So much so that he married his teacher who was two years his senior! This is not surprising since the November 2004 issue of Presidential Pricks magazine identified Fillmore as our most well-endowed former commander-in-chief (our phallically-enhanced erstwhile leader is referred to as âthe tripodâ in the diary of his mistress). Notwithstanding, some historians insist that his sexuality is as dubious as Lincolnâs â especially when you consider that he was obsessed with physical fitness and his favorite color was fuchsia. Millard Fillmoreâs departing words were âthe nourishment is palatableâ (after finishing a bowl of soup). How profound.
Randy: Am I the only one who thinks that 1850-53 were the best damn years in American history?
Steve: Millard Fillmore is a load that should've been swallowed.
Randy: Iâll cut you, you gourmet coffee-sippinâ hippie!
Steve: Bring it!
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