fist festival

Slang term for masturbation.

Fred: Hey, Phil...did you score at the party the other night?

Phil: Naw, man...I went home and had a fist festival.

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arse fist festival

Any situation where you find yourself in a place you don't want to be doing a task you don't want to do or one which is totally futile (such as being a wageslave at work).

Cameron: "have you caught a patagonian toothfish yet Dwayne"?

Dwayne: "I went to the local jetty but it was packed with amateurs, a total arse fist festival"!