résumé

1. A résumé is a list of your qualifications, achievements, skills etc that you give to a prospective employer.

2. Tits.

1.
man I'll never get this job unless I lie on my résumé

2.
a: I saw you were interviewing for a new secretary yesterday - who the job job?
b: *sniggers* the one with the best résumé

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cuntglomeration

1) A highly sexist UK term to describe a large number of females together

2) A large corporation that acts in a completely unethical manner

Dude, Jennifer's hen night is tomorrow - wanna go and check out the cuntglomeration when they've had a few drinks?

McDonalds, Tesco, Coca-Cola, Phillip Morris, British American Tobacco etc

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puniversity

A UK polytechnic which has recently been defined as a university. Usually offering non-degrees in media studies, criminology, psychology etc
Despite their offical University status nobody takes them, their degrees or their graduates seriously.
Examples include the Universities of Luton, Reading and East London.

Emmy's such a dumb bitch, she keeps going on about her degree and stuff but she went to the Puniversity of East London.

You need an IQ of at least 46 to get into a Puniversity

John was in a coma but still managed to get a place at a Puniversity

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shuffler

Someone in a minimum wage job with no prospects. So-called because of the snail paced speed they shuffle from one task to another. The only time they move at any speed is when going to their breaks or leaving work. Usually employed in the cleaning and fast-food industries

*door 20 yards away is heard opening*
*2 minutes later*

A: I thought I heard that door open
B: Yeah I called for a cleaner, it'll be one of the shufflers, give it another minute or so

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broken mirror

Anyone who looks in the mirror and sees someone/thing pretty damn amazing. Often this affects their views of their sexual partners as well. Unfortunatly this is usually completely untrue.

Someone who owns a broken mirror will often refuse to be wrong about anything.

1: I've just seen Chambers acting like he's the shit again!
2: WTF? He's short, fat, stupid, a liar and his new girlfriend's a fucking munter!
1: Dude - he must have one seriously broken mirror

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gasman

A man who is going out with a lady who is considerably older than he is. So called because he can often be found servicing an old boiler.

That Ashton Kutcher he's a total gasman.

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CV

1. A Curriculum Vitae or resume is a list of your qualifications, achievements, skills etc that you give to a prospective employer.

2. Tits.

1.
man I'll never get this job unless I lie on my CV

2.
a: I saw you were interviewing for a new secretary yesterday - who the job job?
b: *sniggers* the one with the best CV

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