Zombies

Noun: (Zohm-bees)
Commonly confused as brain suckers. These originated from the religion of Voodoo. They are the dead brought back to life only in the body, while the soul is in torment. The only reason they walk the earth is to bite the living, who, once bitten also become a zombie. They are usually formed from a curse on a living person, who once dead will become one.

Zombies? This is one hell of a bad trip...
Zombie: Can I eat your spleen
Living guy: No, fuck off
Zombie: Oh... sorry.

105👍 62👎

Rage of Fury

noun (Rayj-ohv-fyur-ie): Commonly preceeded by 'i am going to jump out of the window in a'. Usually used in a moment of extreme anger or in a similar context.

I am now going to jump out of the window in a fury rage

(french literal translation) I am now going to of the window in a fury rage.

2👍 6👎

Man Motor

That little part of your brain that will hear or think of something hilarious but inappropriate, which will act as its ignition. It is then powered by your attempts to ignore it, and will accelerate, never reaching a terminal speed and only stopping when you blurt out whatever thought started it at the worst possible moment. It is related - but not linked to - that part of your brain that inexorably broadcasts horrific images to the rest of your brain at inconvenient times, for example: images of corpses while eating, images of your mum during sex etc.

Called 'man motor' because there is no evidence of this phenomenon ever occurring in females.

Your idiot thoughts during a funeral: Hey, that dude who was killed in a horrific car accident at the age of 25's wife's face kinda looks like a pan-fried vagina.

Man motor: *click! whirr...* Yep, pan-fried vagina. Probably should tell someone that.

That one part of your brain responsible for - and completely incapable of - inhibition: No, that's horrible.

Man Motor: *Whirrrrrrrrrrrr...* Nah, go on, it'll be funny. You love causing egregious grief.

Inhibition: No, Man Motor, no.

Man Motor *WHHIIRRRRRRRR...* Come on, you don't know how people will react, they might like it.

Inhibition: Please stop trying to-

Man Motor: *WWWHHHHHIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRR...* PAN-FRIED VAGINA PAN-FRIED VAGINA PAN-FRIED VAGINA

You: HEY, DEAD MAN'S WIFE, YOU LOOK LIKE A PAN-FRIED VAGINA!

Everyone: *mortified gasps*

You, at the behest of your Man Motor: So... Anyone wanna fuck?

2👍 1👎

Somerset

noun (Sum-ehr-seht): The best county in England and the origin of cider and the word grrt (meaning great or large). Never should the word be used to describe cock, seeing as the people are the possibly the best people on the planet, bar Jamaicans.

Going to Somerset? They do good home-brewed cider, if that tempts you?

211👍 95👎

Eznesticism

Noun: (Ezz-nest-y-ciz-m)
A complicated game that can be randomly started at any one time by any one person resulting in a furious battle of looking stupid. The aim of the game is to stand behind the most competing people for as long as possible. This can turn brutal as there are no rules primarily because I cannot be arsed to think of any.

I am the champion of Eznesticism!
I'm ready to eznesticise.

4👍 5👎

when

(Wehn):
1) Question preceeding referring to time.
2) Expressed by classy people as an alternative to 'stop', particularly when involving amounts of drink or food.

1) John: I resolved to be less of a tit.
Amazing guy: When are you going to start?
John: Fuck do I know
2) Mindy: How many sugars?
Gremlin: I don't know
Mindy: Then you better say when...

18👍 364👎

Natch

noun (Nahch): The best corporate brand of cider from Somerset, or in fact anywhere in the world. 5% alcohol content and the best dry flavour possible, contributing towards the amazingness of this drink.

Normal person: Hey, want some blackthorn?
Well-mannered person: No, I don't drink poison, I drink Natch

83👍 279👎