guaranteed

A term incredibly overused in advertising.

"OMFG!!! SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!!!!!!1!1!11111!!one"

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smoke detector

1. A device that will send out a loud alarm when triggered by the presence of smoke, though many people no longer regard the warning as an actual warning

*beep! beep! beep! beep! beep!*

--Dude, the smoke detector just went off!

--What's that mean!

--Nothing, I guess. Maybe someone overcooked a slice of bacon somewhere.

--Oh.

*house burns down*

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human

1. A sick, retarded, and idiotic species whose degree of intelligence makes life and reality worse off than it could be.

2. Something racists just can't realize.

3. The root of all problems.

1. Martian: Dude, the humans just started another war over a puddle of water.

Other Martian: Really? Last week it was a tree, they are really embarrassing themselves.

Martians: Yeah, but still, they make nice fireworks.

2. If I think on it long enough, I'll feel like shit knowing what our reality looks like...

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apocalypse

1. When the retarded and pathetic efforts set forth by humanity are ended.

Dude, when's the apocalypse coming?

According to my calculations, in 6 minutes.

I can't wait man...

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phone

1. A device that was once originally used to speak to another person whose location is a significant or considerable distance apart from you, but now it is a confirmation that you would like to receive free calls from telemarketers.

2. Something teenagers use far too much.

-Phone Rings-

Person: Hello?
Telemarketer: Thank you for purchasing a telephone, you are now eligible to receive calls so you can get discounts on HOT products.
Person: Fuck off. -Hangs up- ...I didn't buy a phone to get the hell annoyed out of me...

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American Car

A system of parts created in America in order to get from point A to Point B. In fact, its the least it can do; spend $35,000 on a chunk of steel that could fit a circus and takes more fuel to get to the corner grocer if compared to the amount of fuel needed to get to the moon.

Stay away from American cars. Mercedes-Benz was the first; I think by now you realize who knows how to engineer.

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flatlander

A term used by hicks in Vermont, Maine and New Hampshire to describe people who come from other states; usually a negative connotation used by hicks because they are envious that people from others states know how to make money and can't realize that you won't make cash worth a barrel of shit on a farm or a gas station out in the woods.

Flatlanders know how to live. Get a life, you damn hicks.

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