name damage

A condition experienced by children at birth when their parents saddle them for life with names spelled like they were dumped out of an alphabet soup can.

1st-grade teacher: "Duh'Lousyannah, what an unusual name you have."

Student sitting next to Duh'Lousyannah: "What about me? I'm Chevy Cougar-Meloncamp Carr."

Student sitting next to Chevy C-M C: "These kids are name damaged!"

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Downloading the Latest Software

to void oneself of fecal matter in a computer literate way.

Boss: "Who knows where Milt went? His report is late!"

Milt's Work Bud: "I believe he is downloading the latest software."

Boss: "Well, alrighty then. Gotta love his initiative!"

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antiagra

the experience of erectile dysfunction due to sexual turn off or disinterest.

Martha: "George, why isn't our love life as peppy as it was 38 years ago?"

George: "Because 38 years ago my pee pee didn't go all antiagra with boredom."

crotch top

a portable computing devise that fits more comfortably on your crotch than on your lap.

Donna: "Hey Jimmy, new lap top?"
Jimmy: "No. Actually, it's a crotch top. Wanna see my power cord?"

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bon appé tits

a French-like expression said to someone when you hear that they are dating a woman with very large breasts.

Brad: "Hey! I'm going out on a date with a Hooters waitress!"

Brad's Dad: "Well done, my son. Bon appé tits!"

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E Harmony

an on-line dating service for people who get bad grades.

Flonasia-"That boy Tarkis got three E's and a D- posted on hiz E Harmony profile. I finna be hiz babymama!"

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disharmony.com

a dating option consisting of going to the bar, getting smashed, and finding a life partner who has little in common with you except a liking for booze and sex.

Sarah: "Mindy, how did you and Roger meet?"
Mindy: "Well, I used disharmony.com. I picked him up at TGI Fridays on a bender, got preggers, and life happened.