gimtree

A silly story that is untrue but superficially plausible. Usually short, but can go on as long as the recipient is willing to listen. Named after the classical example:

Yeah, I saw a gimtree once.

A gimtree?

Yeah. You know the drink called a gimlet? It was originally with the gim, the fruit of the gimtree. They had special juicers to extract the juice to use in this drink. But as the drink got more popular, they started running out of fruit, so bartenders substituted lime juice.

Really?

Sure. The problem was the gimtree only grew on this one island, and it's not very big. Besides, less than half the island is used for growing gimtrees.

What abou the rest?

They grow cork trees. You know, cork, that stuff they make bulletin boards out of, and of course corks for wine bottles? It's the heartwood of the cork tree. Nice and light, but waterproof, and soft enough you can cut it into whatever shape you need. If they switched over to growing gimtrees on that side of the island, the price of cork would go up, and that would never do. Besides, the gim needs a rainy environment, which you find on the east side of the island, while the cork needs a dryer, sandier soil, which is on the west side. The big mountain in the middle makes a rain shadow on the west side.

(And on and on until the listener realizes his leg is being pulled.)

I met Sam at a cocktail party and I told him a gimtree that lasted over 5 minutes before he caught on.

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angel lust

The erection that sometimes occurs in males during death, especially death by asphyxia. Possibly caused by some combination of:
1. Random erotic thoughts as the consciousness starts to fade out
2. Increased blood pressure as the body tries to get more oxygen to the brain.

Especially common in hanging because gravity pulls the blood into the lower half of the body and because the noose constricts the external carotid artery; the body responds by increasing the blood pressure in an attempt to keep blood flowing to the brain.

Damage to the neck can also trigger an ejaculation.

A similar phenomenon may occur in the genitals of women who die slowly, but is less obvious.

Poor Jimmy hanged himself over the cyber bullying. He got angel lust -- just look at that boner!

Danny was just trying auto-erotic asphyxiation. He got what he wanted -- some real angel lust -- but he must have blacked out while he was cumming. Now his family has to bury him. What a shame!

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ruin your whole day

Die in an accident (especially a plane or boat crash) or be killed. From pilot slang, "gravity can ruin your whole day".

One tactical nuke can ruin your whole day.

Poor guy. He was trying to climb over a mountain pass when his engine quit. Didn't have enough altitude to make the turn. Ruined his whole day.

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snog

Literally, to kiss (British slang).

Often includes activities that would be included in "making out", e.g., necking.

One wag defined it as "anything you can do with a married woman in her husband's presence." (This assumes a 'monogamous' marriage rather than an "open" one.)

Literal sense: Ginny just grabbed me, dragged me into a broom closet, and snogged the life out of me.

More general: Helen and Joe were sitting on the couch, snogging. She left lipstick all over him from the collar up. I swear his hands were inches from her tits. And Fred (Helen's husband) just sat there, watching the game on TV, completely ignoring it.

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slurp

To upload or download data, usually at a high rate of speed. Often used in slang to refer to illicitly gathering data -- that is, theft of somebody else's private data, trade secrets, etc.

I downloaded a new app, and it slurped all my data to some site in Outer Mongolia. Now some hacker knows my birthday, Social Security number and all my credit cards.

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set the fox to guard the henhouse

Putting somebody in charge of a job, when they have a conflict of interest. Often used to refer to industry "self-regulation" or to putting an industry insider on the board that regulates that industry, e.g., appointing an executive of Comcast as chairman of the FCC.

Can also refer to a similar problem in private industry, e.g., putting the manager of a failed project in charge of the investigation into why the project failed.

Mike Taylor has been appointed to head the Food Safety Working Group at the FDA. The President has set the fox to guard the henhouse.

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take it out in trade

Accept sexual favors in exchange for something

This is most often used in regard to a favor: one party does something requiring time and/or effort for the other, and when asked how much it will be, says, "I'll take it out in trade". Or vice versa: having done something for another person, asking for compensation, and the other says, "You can take it out in trade."

"In trade" sounds like a form of prostitution (exchanging sex for something else), but it usually used humorously and in context of an existing relationship. The meaning is that the person is doing it as part of the relationship rather than expecting to be paid money or goods or whatever.

Girlfriend: Thanks for doing my taxes, honey. How much do I owe you.
Boyfriend (leering): Nothing. I'll take it out in trade.

He means that he expects some kissing and/or loving in return.

Girlfriend: How's that?
Boyfriend (looking at his hair in mirror): Wow! I look great!
GF: So what do I get in return?
BF: You can take it out in trade.

Meaning he'll be extra loving for a while and/or that she gets to choose the position/method next time they make love.

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