Kippage

A nautical term for unfriendly sailors aboard ship keeping overly rowdy company with one another on long voyages. In use, very similar to the word, nobbling, which is used on land by landlubbers to mean doing the same sort of thing on terra firma.

By jove mate, you've really kippled me there, indeed I've certainly hada abit of kippage there.

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Frond

A decorative border of fig leaves; a leaf shaped somewhat like a narrow phallus, as of a seaweed or lichen; personal regalia often used as camouflage by US Marines in hot climates in World War II, but not presently being recommended in the US Armed Services for wear as camouflage or other bodily ornament, for those unfortunates currently serving in an urban jungle of forgotten dreams, or other built up areas or ethnic urban ghettos, either in the States or elsewhere.

The Marine said, “My frond is slipping,” having little or no dress sense while in his current deployment in the field, as he should have just been wearing the right makeup or other appropriate camouflage for the job in the desert of forgotten dreams.

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Cretinous-Cretinalias

A Latinised-sounding high-brow word for a dumb-arsed dumb-bunny, usually being one with incipient learning difficulties, who thus is going to spend half his life in a mental funk because he can do nothing right and the other half tormented by the question of why he can do nothing right, and so, in the evolutionary stakes, is in fact a born loser.

I suppose that in describing your behaviour you’d have to be called a cretinous-cretinalias, if only because you look so confoundedly like a classic one.

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Escargatoire

A snail hostelry; being a place where snails can snuggle up to each other and relax without fear of being trodden on with the hobnail boots of a passing deity, rather like as with mankind with his relation to a country inn on coming back from a hard day’s labour.

If a thoughtless snail can have faith in where it is going when it crosses the road to get to its escargatoire, why then cannot a man, who is much smarter, cross the street without going in fear of his life? Is it because he thinks he lives in fear, or that he does not think like a snail?

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Sexual partner

That man or woman or person who shares all your most intimate sexual moments with you on a daily or long-term basis, he or she being of either sex, or, occasionally the same sex, or, sometimes, being a mix of sexes, or occasionally someone of no sex at all (but that does not often happen). In normal sexual relationships, mostly being someone of either one sex or another who, with his or her partner of choice, enjoy carnal knowledge of each other on a long-term basis, as according to the sexual preference of either partner.

Come, my dear, be my sexual partner, either for a day or two or maybe even the rest of our lives, or maybe even come skipping up the aisle with me and, with a bit of luck, and in the meantime, we’ll also have some fun between the sheets whenever we want to, weather permitting.

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Vermicelli

Another name for thin spaghetti, which on inspection looks much like small worms one eats, rather than ones that eat one; also, it not being a word derived from an Italianate word that means the plural of musical vermin playing the cello badly, although this could become a popular misconception of its meaning if one put one’s mind to it.

“You’ve burnt the vermicelli,” the banker said to his wife, who had heard it all before, as she did it deliberately every Friday to annoy him whenever he annoyed her over exceeding her weekly housekeeping allowance.

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double-dumbass

A handy phrase meaning that the insult of being called a stupid arsehole, or (an alternative interpretation) an asinine fool, can be doubled and can be reflected back to whence it came in a way that turns a totally uncalled for insult flung at its intended target back upon its perpetrator, possibly also in a way not fully understood by its vulgarian receiver, he not being up on such things as witty retorts, or such logical insinuations as this phrase supposedly represents. However, if no other rebuffs spring to mind, in a pinch it does the job nicely.

Watch what you say to me, you double-dumbass, as I wasn’t even talking to you, I was talking to myself!

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